


Never dead enough

by zozoL



Category: Original Work
Genre: Death, Gen, Hurt, Pain, life - Freeform, poem
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-11-01 18:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17872487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zozoL/pseuds/zozoL
Summary: A collection of my very own poemsMainly about the meaning of life and death, of being hurt and lost, of being dead and alive.





	1. For You, just You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If You truly understand and feel deep in Your heart what this is about, You can see my soul without the mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my life  
> All my love

Wreckage of a living being

Painfully slowly

Fading into you

Darkness of an empty life

Starving for love

With none of warmth 

And acceptance

From the rest of the world

Longing for you

Dying for you

Drowning in you

With no air

And no screams escaping my lips

You silenced me


	2. Everything that hurts

I've heard weird things in my life.  
They said to me  
That I should be happy with what I have,  
That I should follow my dreams,  
That I should be brave,  
And show others, who I really am.  
I know it so well.  
Everyone is telling me that   
Again and again.  
Again.  
Again.  
But I still don't listen to them.  
I don't want to listen to them.  
Why?  
Because I have knowledge.  
I know, how it feels, when I fail.  
I know, how it looks, when I cry.  
I know, how others see me.  
They don’t know it  
They don't know   
How it feels,  
How it looks,  
How much I try,  
How I want to be different.  
But I just can't.


	3. Lose

They are telling me  
To be strong,  
To do my best,  
To be happy,  
Not to worry.

But I can't live like that.  
I have to be a loser,  
To be down,  
To be the worst,  
To let others be the best,  
To make them happy,  
To make them proud of themselves,  
To see the smiles on their faces.

I was made to lose.

I am the loser to be the winner.

I am the Winner.


	4. Until I am complete

Until I brake

There's no sense in doing this again

Make it end

So we can get away

This deep feeling

Buried inside of us

That will stay burning

Until I brake

And turn to dust


	5. Piece

All I ever had  
All I ever felt  
All I kept inside  
I throw away  
As a price for everyone  
Who wants  
And for you  
Who feels  
And tastes  
And understands  
What I kept inside  
And you can read   
The book of my life  
That was giving me a reason  
To keep on going  
For you   
And to feel  
That you were with me  
But now it falls away  
For you


	6. Lost inside myself

I open my eyes  
To one more black day  
Where everything falls apart once again  
Piece by piece  
And anywhere I run  
Anywhere I turn   
I'm losing more  
Because I can't keep it all together  
Because it hurts too much  
Trying to be better than yesterday  
And tomorrow everything will fall apart again  
And now pain becomes my closest friend  
Everything I have left

But I'm losing it too


	7. Go away

Run away  
Get away from me  
Get away from dark nightmare  
That monster raging deep inside me

Don't you dare look at me  
Or you would see  
Or you would understand

I don't want you to understand

It will destroy you

From the inside  
From deep inside your heart

And nobody would be able to fix you 

I am not able to fix myself anymore  
I looked at myself too much  
And for too long

And now there is nothing   
That can be fixed inside me

Go away


	8. To breathe again

My air  
Give me back my air  
I need it  
To breathe again  
And to open my eyes  
To see that smile of yours  
The sun you are

I want my air back  
I'm suffocating  
I need to breathe again  
It's getting darker and darker  
I can't see you anymore

It's more painful now  
Every second hurts more  
And I won't be able to hold on anymore  
Hold on   
And wait for my air

For you to bring life into my dead body  
Because I can't do it myself

I'm alone now  
And surrounded by nothing  
Nothing but darkness  
It hurts  
My heart  
It's bleeding

I need my air  
I need my breath  
I need my life  
I need you


	9. Run with you

I was standing  
Standing on my two still legs  
On my two lifeless feet  
With breathless words of darkness

But then you come to me  
Reaching out for me  
And I catch your hand  
And you pull me   
So I can move again  
I make my feet live again  
So I run   
Through my life  
And I can feel love  
And pain  
And happiness  
And sadness  
And you are here with me  
You make me run again  
You make my heart breathe again  
So I can live again


	10. You or me

Can you breathe?

Can you feel that rise and fall is your chest?

Do you hear your heart beating in your chest?

Can you feel your fingers touching?

Can you open your eyes?

Can you smile?

Can you feel words flowing out of your mouth?

Do you understand the words I'm saying?

Do you even care?

 

No, you don't.

You never did.

You didn't even try.

It means nothing to you.

You machine

Your heart is dead

Your hands are cold

Your eyes can't see.

Why…

Why does it have to end like this?

I hate you

You know.

I hate everything about you.

Why…

I hate everything about myself.


	11. Names

Which one is it?  
Second?  
Third?  
Fourth?  
Hundred-thirty-sixth?  
Four hundred-eighty-first?

How many more?

How many more names will you give me?

I have lost myself in them  
There is just so much  
Too much

Loser  
Disgusting  
Dumb  
Idiot  
Ugly  
Worthless  
Weak

You gave me those names

But what was my real name?  
I can't remember anymore

There is just too much

I can't cope with them all

Who should I be?  
How should I behave?  
Where should I be?  
When was I born?  
When did I die?

I am lost


	12. I know a girl..

I know a girl  
Or a young adult now..

 

I knew her ever since her birth  
I live with her everyday  
I meet her family  
I see her kind friends  
I know her pretty well  
I can read her like a book  
I know what she is thinking about  
I can see through her  
I can read the emotions inside her  
Even though I cannot understand them...

I can see the masks she is hiding beneath  
I can see what her parents and friends can not  
I can see as she is hurting herself  
I can see the blood in the bath  
I can see the scars on her body   
I can see as she is hiding them from everyone  
I can see when she is crying silently in her bed  
I do see the pain she is feeling too often  
Her suffering  
The ache in her heart  
Her longing  
I see as she is silently screaming for someone  
For anyone  
For attention  
To see her  
And love her   
As HER  
And not the masks she is hidden beneath

Because she is a living person  
A person  
She is not...


End file.
